


Alfred's Baby

by RebelDrFerguson



Category: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Alfred being a good Butler Dad, Barry being Barry, Bruce getting Jelous, M/M, The Idea of Jeremy Irons Cooing Over A Bat Is Just Adorable, a wee bit of sexual innuendo and flirting on Bruces half, crackish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 08:13:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20206540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelDrFerguson/pseuds/RebelDrFerguson
Summary: A wet patrol brings in a tiny bundle of joy for our butler to care for...Bruce does not like this one bit.





	Alfred's Baby

**Author's Note:**

> A crack interlude before I get to finishing more serious fics.

“Just leave it over there Barry” Bruce grumbles as they march back into the cave one last rainy night after chasing down a group of robbers who had not only planned a decoy bank robbery in Gotham attracting the whole police force but using the distraction managed to pilfer hundreds of thousands of dollars of car parts from one of the factories.

If Bruce hadn’t already been on patrol and been informed by the fleeing owner who he almost ran over with the batmobile, the police would have been utterly mortified. 

Thankfully, Barry had been on call that night and had sped over to lend a hand in rounding them all up.

“Don’t know how I’m gonna owe you for this” was becoming a too common line for Jim Gordon. 

  
  


Just as Bruce started peeling off his gear, an almighty crash sounded through the cavern and unlike most times, there just happened to be a few squeals and cries as the last of nesting bats were left in this side of the cave panicked. 

Bruce watched with mild worry as they shot over his head and up through one of the natural holes in the roof. Alfred said he’d bat proofed the place. 

Speaking of the Butler, he came shooting around the corner himself at the noise, head turning left and right for the sign of what had just happened. 

“What in the blessed name of your mother was that?!” He demands only to hear Barry shout an apology from across the cave. 

“Sorry! I tripped on a wire”

Both Bruce and Alfred sighed heavily, the latter smirking. Dick used to do that a lot as well.

“Is the cargo okay?” Bruce shouts back as Alfred comes to help him strip off the gear. 

“It's fine...I think...yup, but...my leg isn’t” 

Alfred smothered the chuckle that he was about to let out as he spotted something moving in Bruce’s cape. 

“Just-hold still”

Bruce turned confused. “Hm?”

“Bruce-I-I said just hold still” He frowns turning Bruce by the shoulder he reaches into the cape and is thankful Bruce can’t see the look on his face. 

“What...did I tear it?” Bruce asks recalling how it had snagged on one of the roof aerials when he’d tackled one of the robbers. 

“Erm...no, just-give me a second...it's stuck” He daren't tell the younger what was stuck in his cape for fear he'd start to panic 

  
  


Looking up at the hole in the cave roof he hummed before stepping over to the table to grab a pen and his polishing cloth. 

“Wh-Alfred, what is it?” Bruce asks again getting slightly annoyed. “Shouldn’t you be checking on Barry?” 

Flash had now reappeared limping a little but somewhat intact and was sat on a box holding his knee. 

“I-I will just gimme a second, stay still, I’ll just get him off and then we can-” Alfred mutters quietly and Bruce tries to look over his shoulder to see what on earth the older was doing. 

“Aww, is that a bat?” Barry blurts out as Alfred managed to pry one tiny claw from the material and he sees the little leather wing move. 

Bruce freezes instantly and glares in Barry’s direction. 

“ BAT? WHERE!”

If Barry was confused when the whole justice league thing started he was even more so now as Bruce started to panic about the tiny animal that his superhero persona was named after. 

“Get it off!”

“I am doing, just hold still, heaven forbid Master Wayne, it's harmless, calm down” 

Seemingly not working fast enough Bruce turns swiftly making the cape swish and Alfred is quick to not only grab the cloth but smack Bruce upside the head. “I said keep still, you’ll hurt it!” 

Bruce pauses in his panicking to process the smack to the side of the head he just got, before going still as he was told and watched as Alfred pried the last tiny claw of the bat from the cape and swaddle it in the fluffy polishing cloth. 

“Poor Lil' guy must have been thrown from the nest when they flew out” Alfred cooed stroking it’s tiny snout with his little finger as it buried itself in the warm cloth. 

“Poor Lil'??….Alfred, it’s a bat” Bruce grumbles backing away to continue pulling off his suit shuddering and thankful the thing was now off. 

“Oh is it? I hadn’t noticed, sir” Alfred huffed sarcastically. “I’m sorry, did that nasty man hurt you, come on let's get you somewhere safe and warm and fed hm?” 

Starting back up the steps to the house, Alfred didn’t spot the shocked gazes of both Bruce and Barry at his baby talk. 

“What about me?” Barry adds after a moment and Bruce closes his mouth which he hadn’t realised had fallen open in surprise. 

“Guess I have to patch you up” he adds turning to the younger. “Come on, med bay”

  
  
  


* * *

When both Barry and Bruce finally made it up into the house they found Alfred, on the sofa, with the open army surplus medical bag open and scattered about him, beside him sat a cardboard box that held layers of newspaper and the swaddled baby bat in the fluffy yellow polishing cloth.

“Ah, there you are, your dinner’s almost ready, I’m just feeding our little house guest” Alfred smiles down at the tiny black winged mouse earning a yawn back. 

Bruce pulls a face and moves for the kitchen. “Don’t let it crap on anything” he grumbles, unlike Barry who watches avidly over the back of the sofa as Alfred holding the swaddled bat in one arm while feeding it droplets of water with a dropper.

“What is that?” He asks curiously. 

“Rehydration solution, once I’m sure he’s well I’ll move on to Goat’s milk it’s the closest sub to bat’s milk we can get really” Alfred answers setting wiping the tiny face with a bit of the cloth as it messes the fur. 

“Aw, he’s so cute...you going to name him?” Barry asks as the bat laps through another drop of the water. 

“Oh I don’t know, what do we name bat’s?” Alfred chuckles and glances over his glasses at Bruce. 

“How about Brucie” Barry teases laughing with the way Bruce fumbles with the coffee mug he was pulling from the cupboard and how he dropped the coffee bag on the table like a form of protest. 

“You can’t call it that” he half whines pulling a face. 

“Well, you are the batman...I mean, he could be Bruce Wayne Jr.” Barry teases and Alfred laughs at that. 

“When I said I wanted another generation of Wayne’s I didn't mean this species but-I guess I’ll have to settle” He adds with a smirk and Bruce looks utterly disgruntled. 

“Perhaps we should ask the league hm?” Alfred taunts at the billionaire who frowns as Barry shoots off and reappears in less than two minutes. 

“Diana and Clark both say we should call it Brucie, Arthur asked if they can swim and Cyborg was too busy laughing, but I’ll take that as a yes”

Alfred couldn’t stop the grin on his face as Bruce grows more and more annoyed. 

“Looks like your out voted Master Wayne” 

  
  


* * *

Bruce was relieved when Alfred took the bat to his trailer later on but was none too pleased to find the said box on the kitchen counter the next morning when he finally stumbled from his bedroom in his jeans for his breakfast. 

“What’s he still doing here?” Bruce grumbles peering into the box were the tiny mammal slept. 

Alfred shushed him. “Keep your voice down, you’ll wake him, they are nocturnal you know,” he says placing Bruce’s breakfast down in front of him. 

“Call a vet or something Alf” he grumbles as the older peers into the box and smiles. 

“Why? I’m perfectly capable of raising it...I did you didn’t I?”

Bruce huffs and shovels a fork of scrambled egg in his mouth so he can’t reply with something offensive even if Alfred was a hard man to offend. 

“I’m a man, that’s a bat, and it’s a baby they need like 4 am feedings don't they, you can’t be seriously thinking you can keep it up” He eventually mutters.

Alfred offered him a blank look as he dried a plate beside the sink. 

“Oh really? If I recall, I was up at two, five and seven every day for a whole three months with you, and the occasional half three when your mother wasn't able to leave work” Alfred adds in making Bruce blush. 

“You certainly made more noise and mess I can tell you that” he adds picking up the box and leaving the frowning vigilante to his breakfast. 

After a week of watching Alfred walking about the house carrying the box and cooing at the creature during meal times, Bruce began to feel he was being ignored. 

Not only was Alfred late with his breakfast that morning but actually missed bringing him his lunch and coffee. 

When Bruce went upstairs to investigate he found the old man asleep on the sofa in the darkened living room with the tiny bundled bat on his chest.

He was getting a little concerned that Alfred’s ‘nesting instincts’ were getting out of hand. The Butler had never really been maternal, he’d said so himself but in raising Bruce and Dick and Jason for that matter, he’d grown fond of having someone to care for and now there was a very needy little animal in the house, Alfred’s needs to parent and care were becoming a lot more obvious. He was actually missing all the sexual tension and sneaky kisses he should have gotten since that night in the cave feeling like he’d been dropped for something more interesting. 

Making his own sandwich and coffee, noting it didn't taste as good as when Alfred makes them, he goes back to the cave to complain over a link at Diana about the baby bat. 

“Oh, oh dear, Bruce, are we jealous?” she giggles earning the famous bat glare. “Oh god you are, that’s brilliant” 

“Shut up, this isn’t funny, he's obsessed with it” Bruce complains and Diana snorts. 

“Bruce, for goodness sake, the poor little thing has lost its nest and likey the parents haven’t returned, otherwise Alfred would have put it back. It’s quite big, at least from the picture Alfred sent me, another few weeks and he’ll be ready to fly the nest, unlike you,” she sighs.

Bruce huffs through his nose. “He better, Alfred didn't come down for my lunch and he was late with breakfast and if I hear one more, ‘Who’s a good boy then’ when he’s feeding the darned thing I’m gonna snap”

Diana blinks. “Well, looks like you're never having kids huh?” and with that, she cuts the line leaving Bruce alone in the cave sulking.

* * *

  
  


“Brucie?...Brucie, oh get down from there you cheeky monkey” 

  
  


Walking in from work to see Alfred taking the bat down off the curtains in his room left him feeling just as depressed as he was leaving for work. Alfred had made his breakfast to go and rung Sue from the kitchens at work to make Bruce's lunch instead of making him a packed one. 

“Ah there you are, how did the meeting go?” Alfred asks as the little winged monster settled itself on Alfred’s forearm. 

“Fine” Bruce grumped dropping his case beside the bed and tugging on his tie. “He better not have crapped on my curtains”

Alfred chuckles. “Oh relax, he’s been bathed, well wiped down and he’s actually quite well behaved…”

“Those things have rabies Alfred” Bruce frowns taking his shirt off and flexing the knots from his shoulders hoping the gather some attention. Alfred rolls his eyes. “Only about five percent of the population, anyway, why do you think I’m wearing gloves, look as long as I don’t get of his muck in my mouth it’s fairly safe, also I think he's getting a bit restless, he’ll be out of your home in no time” The butler smirks leaving the room carrying the tiny animal which offers a rather high pitched squeak as they pass without even so much as a passing glance or comment about running him a bath or suggesting a massage later.

As Bruce sits eating his dinner he watches Alfred on the sofa, the tiny Bat was now munching away quite happily on a piece of grape mush whilst hanging upside down off the Butler sleeve. “Doesn’t your arm get tired?” Bruce smirks across the room earning a smirk back.

“A little, he's not very heavy mind you, but I couldn’t do it for hours” 

“Are you going to put him back in the cave tonight?” Bruce enquiries recalling the sight of the ladder. 

“Yes, I’ve noticed the small group have returned, I can’t be sure it’s the same family, but it’s worth a shot, all I have to do is leave him somewhere visible and warm and if it is indeed mommy, she’ll come down for him” 

Bruce pauses eating as the little guy starts stretching his wings. “Is it just me or does he seem...big for a baby?”

“He’s at least six weeks old...just short of eating solids...I think so anyway, I’m not a vet, but he’s no injured at least” Alfred adds stroking the leathery wings as Brucie settles back down. 

As they make down into the cave that evening, Alfred turns to Bruce with a bundle bat and hold it out. “Here, hold him a second while I set the heating pad up”

Bruce flinches away only to earn a glare. “It’s not going to bloody hurt you, it’s fruit bat Bruce, they eat nothing more than fruit mush and the juices” He holds the bundle closer. 

“Come on the faster you hold him, the quicker we can leave him down here” Alfred shivers in the echoing dampness of the cave. It was cooler down here by the water and the cars unlike the glass-walled computer room further up. 

  
  


With a sigh Bruce lets Alfred hand him the tiny swaddled animal and watches it cautiously even though it was just staring at him with big black eyes as Alfred fusses with the ladder and heating mat. 

“There we are…” Alfred finally stands and take the bat out of the cloth and sat him on the warm heating pad in which Brucie snuggles against happily. 

“Well, now all we can do is wait...dusk is in less than half an hour so, hopefully, since it’s already quite dark, they’ll be out soon for him” Alfred adds nudging Bruce back towards the steps. 

Standing by the office window with his coffee Bruce watches the ladder below them in the cave for a good hour and every second past it, he begins to worry. He's not heard or seen any sign of the parents and that stirs up some unpleasant feelings and memories. 

What if the bats Alfred had seen had left again? 

What if this wasn’t the family?

What if he got attacked?

But just as Alfred came up beside him with his own cup of coffee to take a look a hand coming up to the small of Bruce’s back as he went to ask about cake, something shot down out of view. 

“What was that?” Bruce asks jumping back and Alfred chuckles. 

“I think that…” a loud squeak rings out. “Was mommy” 

Stepping back up to the glass, Bruce watches as she circles the ladder before landing to sniff out the tiny bat. He can’t help but smile when the little one latches on to her back and they fly up past the window again into the crevice in the roof. 

“Safe and sound...now let's just hope he doesn’t fall out again” Alfred smiles turning back for the desk. 

“You gonna miss him?” Bruce teases and Alfred rolls his eyes. “No Master Wayne, one child is enough for me” 

Bruce takes a second to catch on to that and turns frowning. “You’d be bored without me Alfred” 

Alfred laughs as he sits back at the desk and picks up his tools. “Would I really? Hm, I do wonder if I could ever miss the way you sulked over a whole week of not getting my attention” 

Bruce narrows his eyes at the computer screen and glares. “I didn’t sulk and I’m not a child”

“Oh really, Miss Prince informed me that you were going to snap if I told Brucie he was being a good boy again?” Alfred grins as the tip of the real Bruce’s ears turned red. “Sounds very much like sibling jealousy”

“I don't get jealous” Bruce growls crossing his arms angrily.

Alfred was laughing out loud now and Bruce dropped in his chair with a grunt. 

“Oh dear” he sighs wiping away tears as he leaves aside what he was doing to collect the empty coffee cup... “Your right, I would seriously miss this, in fact, it’s actually much more fun looking after a man child rather than a baby” He taunts ruffling Bruce’s hair on his way past. 

“At least I have someone who can eat my freshly baked black forest gateau” 

Bruce stopped frowning at that and turned to see Alfred smirking from the stairs. “Come on, it’s too wet and stormy out for you be so heroic tonight, come and eat your cake and stop sulking you’ve got me all to yourself again now” 

  
  


The billionaire looked between the screen showing the storm outside and the Butler before huffing and turning the screen off, standing to join him at the door. “Fine, but I want marshmallows in my hot chocolate later” He grumbles pausing in front of Alfred.

“I suppose seeing as you dislike marshmallow, that would be code for, I am too sleep in the house tonight then?”

Bruce simply hummed his agreement and nudged the older in the back to move up the stairs. “Cake first though” 

Alfred snorted. “Thank god Martha didn’t call you Romeo hm?”


End file.
